Best animation I have seen and laughed that hard lately. ( Click below, I assumed you would do that )
Y
M
C
A
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Mortal Gaybat - YMCA
Best animation I have seen and laughed that hard lately. ( Click below, I assumed you would do that )
Y
M
C
A
Bastards of our childhood ( tell me you were expecting this )
20. Pete
Pete (also known as Black Pete or Peg-Leg Pete) was the nemesis of Mickey Mouse from way back in the Steamboat Willy days and then later became the sworn enemy of Donald Duck. Pete was large and ever the bastard, picking on Mickey and his friends for no real reason other than to show that he was bigger and stronger than the whiney little runts. He usually played an authority figure as well making himself all that much more of a thorn in the sides of our heroes. A monstrous amalgamation of a dog and Long John Silver, Pete proved that he was an even bigger bastard than we thought when he actually befriended Goofy in A Goofy Movie and in the spin-off series Goof Troop… probably all in a perverted attempt to make things purposefully awkward for the three loveable Disney icons during get togethers.
Pete… AKA Black Pete, AKA Peg-Leg Pete… YOU are a bastard!
19. Cobra Commander
Retreat! Retreaaaaaaat!
Take the greatest dictators of all time, pair them with The Phantom of the Opera, and then throw in the intelligence of Jessica Simpson, and you’ve got the chief nemesis of America and GI Joe, Cobra Commander.
We never really learned why Cobra Commander wanted to take over the world and why the entire membership of C.O.B.R.A. thought that this raspy and cowardly Nancy boy was the best choice to rule it, but never the less you have to admire Cobra Commander for his tenacity. Even when his own people got sick and tired of his shit, replaced him with a bigger badass and then changed him into a snake, he still came back with this dipshit schemes and ultimatums.
Oh, and if you were one of his pals, he had no qualms about leaving your butt behind to save his own.
What a bastard.
18. Mumm Ra
Why did this guy hate the Thundercats so much? Was it because he landed on a planet he considered his own? It never stopped him from going after the Amazons or those retarded Ro-Bear Berbils things. Mumm Ra picked on The Thundercats for no good reason, sort of like little kids pick on the new kids in school. Instead of stealing lunch money, Mumm Ra wanted to steal Lion-O’s sword.
Later on in the series, with the addition of Mumm Ra’s faithfull pooch Ma Mutt, we learn that Mumm Ra hated the Thundercats simply because he was a dog person.
Plus, did anyone find it more than a little odd and disturbing that Mumm Ra - while in his weaker mummified form - basically paraded around naked with only a cape and some well-placed bandages to hide his shriveled shame?
I'm not saying anything, but I had an uncle who paraded out on his back porch wearing the same thing and he's not due for parole for another three years.
17. Daffy Duck
Yeah, I know. He’s a beloved Looney Tunes character and I'm sure I'll get tons of hate mail over this choice, but Daffy Duck the biggest bastard of the Looney Tunes bunch! Not even Yosemite Sam would stoop so low as to steal the spotlight from someone busting their ass to do a show or to steal a treasure from your best friend who accidentally stumbled upon it in a burrow. How big of a bastard do you have to be to make it so that the audience actually wants Elmer Fudd to shoot you?
I mean, for God’s sake, to save himself from the possibility that he might actually get shot during hunting season, Daffy was willing to murder… murder Bugs Bunny, the closest thing he has to a friend!
You’re despicable, you bastard!
16. Bender
I love the guy, but his bastardliness knows no bounds. Now, you can argue that he is a machine and therefore immune to said accusations of bastarditude, but Bender’s bastardisity is apparent whether he is human, animal, or mineral thanks to his scheming, thievery, and overwhelming ego.
What kind of a bastard steals from his friends that much? Tries to kill his friend’s pets? Sells nude pictures of his friends on the internet?
Granted, there are times when Bender saves the day, but in my opinion that makes him a loveable bastard rather than a plain old everyday bastard… and that’s why we love the tin can.
He is the greatest Latino on television.
15. Mr. Cogswell
I know what you’re saying, “What about Mr. Spacely?” True, Spacely was a bastard, but for the premiere bastard of the future, you don’t look at George Jetson’s diminutive boss, but rather to his competitor, Mr. Cogswell.
So what makes Cogswell a bigger bastard than Spacely? Spacely may have been a foul-tempered tyrant who would fire George without a second thought, but Cogswell was a person of questionable morals who would probably molest Elroy without a second thought if he thought it might give him the smallest leg up on the competition.
Cogswell was well known for sending spies into Spacely Sprockets to steal all of Spacely’s greatest ideas. Why? Well, it’s obvious… Cogswell was one of those bastards who never got any great ideas on his own, so he had to steal them from other people. We’ve all run into these kinds of bastards before and they are infuriating, aren’t they? The fact that Cogswell revels in the idea of being an idea theif only makes him that much more insufferable.
14. Doctor Zin
Doctor Zin was a charismatic leader that somehow managed to recruit hundreds if not thousands of people to his side and what does he do with that power? He picks on a couple of kids and their dog. What a bastard! Later on, he even got his own daughter… his own daughter, mind you, to seduce Hadji so that he could screw with the Quests that much more. Not only is he a bastard, but he’s a lousy father as well and now poor little Hadji, still hung up on his love, can’t even fight Zin without popping a boner now.
Dr Zin has been a long-time enemy of the Quests. No one knows exactly who he is, where he comes from, or what his doctorate is in -- but everyone knows that he wants to take over the world. (He's not shy about telling everybody who'll listen, and those who'd rather not.) Armed with a brilliant mind and seemingly bottomless pockets, Dr Zin is almost Dr Quest's evil twin…. His bastardly twin.
13. Flintheart Glomgold
The biggest bastard of Duckberg, no doubt, was Flintheart Glomgold. True, Scrooge McDuck might have been a little greedy, but Flintheart made him look like the Salvation Army.
This was the classic case of keeping up with the Joneses. If Scrooge got an airplane, Flintheart wanted a bigger airplane made out of gold. If Scrooge made a million, Flintheart wanted to make a billion.
Now, a little ambition is fine, but this feathery bastard actually went out of his way to sabotage and steal from his rival, enlisting the help of lesser bastards like The Beagle Boys or Magica DeSpell and, if he was successful in knocking Scrooge down a peg or two, he would come over and gloat about it.
Bastard!
12. Dungeon Master
You want to talk about Bastards, I’ve got one of the more sadistic examples right here.
In the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon of the 80’s, four teens found themselves trapped in a mystical fantasy world guided only by the dwarfish Dungeon Master who they relied on to try and get home. Instead of telling them, “Go this way and get home,” this sawed-off little shit gave them riddles so convoluted that no one could solve them and continued to taunt them by saying he was going to send them home every week… only to watch in glee as their dreams shattered like glass.
Not to mention, he was the father of Venger, the villain of the entire story and was manipulating these kids to try and help redeem him. A sadistic and selfish little bastard who really didn’t give a rat's crap if the kids who trusted their lives to him got home or not.
11. The Mooninites
What list of cartoondom’s biggest bastards would be complete without these two pricks? There is literally nothing that these two do that isn’t bastardly on one level or another and, let’s face it, when the Mooninites are involved… those are really big levels.
Usually, the Mooninites spend their time trying to corrupt the poor innocent Meatwad to their bastardly ways making them bigger bastards than they would be if they would just remain individual bastards.
I mean, they actually out-bastard Master Shake. Do you realize the amount of bastarditude it takes to pull that off?
10. Bluto
Tell me you people didn’t see this one coming.
Bluto (AKA Brutus) is the epitome of the bully, large, crude, and Neanderthal-like. Of course, merely being a bully doesn’t get you on this list… Bluto is the kind of guy who will go and try and steal your girlfriend every time even if she’s an ugly skinny chick with no rack at all. What’s worse, he loves to pick on the guy he’s stealing said bimbo from and, of course, in his mind when a woman says no, it means "take me, I’m yours."
Thankfully, Bluto’s a bastard but not a bright one as he never once thought of eating spinach and beating the shit out of Popeye every now and again.
Stupid bastard.
9. Jerry
Jerry reminds me of a little brother. Yeah, the big brother may start the confrontation every now and again, but the little brother does nothing but fan the flames and makes things worse because he knows that his parents aren’t going to let the big brother kick the shit out of him even when he sorely deserves it.
Generally, Jerry wouldn’t be on this list except for the fact that there are plenty of times that Jerry starts fights with Tom for no good damn reason. Jerry steals Tom’s food, bed, or girlfriend (which is sick in of itself) and when Tom tries to stop him, Tom gets bashed in the head and then kicked out by that fat black woman who always takes Jerry’s side, leaving the little vermin to spread bubonic plague and drop mouse feces wherever he goes.
Little brothers are bastards and so is that fucking mouse.
8. Skeletor
Skeletor was not only a bastard, but he was a grade-A asshole as well. He was mean to his henchmen, abused his powers, and even though he had a whole flippin’ mountain to himself, he wanted to take the Sorceress’ castle too.
Let’s not forget, this is the same guy who made He-Man think that he killed an innocent person just to mindfuck him.
In many ways, Skeletor reminded me of this bastardly boss that I had once. Our office would make $30,000 one month and he’d throw a fit because it wasn’t $45,000. We’d work our asses off and make $45,000 the next month and he’d throw a fit because it wasn’t $65,000. Skeletor is that bastardly boss that wants more but isn’t grateful for what he has. If anything, the 2002 rebirth of He-Man only saw Skeletor become just that much more bastardly.
He’s got his own sorceress, he’s got a freakin’ Beast Man as a minion, and best of all, he doesn’t have Orko or anyone else retarded enough to call themselves Ram-Man!
But nooooooo, Skeletor has to continue to be a bastard and want more and more for himself. If that’s not enough, I think he was gay too. How could you have a hot piece of ass like Evil-Lynn sitting next to you all day and continually obsess about He-Man?
Supergay.
7. David Xanatos
Xantos is the slick kind of bastard that I aspire to be one day. Rich, good-looking, and charismatic… he lived in an ancient castle he moved brick-by-brick to New York and then placed on top of the world’s tallest skyscraper just to get in with and screw over a bunch of Gargoyles.
Xanatos is another example of a bastard who wanted just a little bit more, but unlike Skeletor, Xanatos was slick about it only adding to his level of bastardliness. He knew what he wanted and it was immortality and he wasn’t going to let anyone get in his way. I mean, for God’s sake, he turned his faithful right-hand man’s right hand into stone just to test to see if one of his schemes worked or not. That, my friends, is bastardly behavior.
Xantos’ bastarditude fueled the show and, after his dramatic and slow change over to the side of good, Gargoyles turned into a pile of ostrich shit.
A testament to the true power of Xanatos’ bastardliness, or just something else this awesome bastard had planned from the beginning? You be the judge.
6. Mr. Burns
It pains me to put Burnsey on the list, because despite his bastardliness, I love the old fart. His presence brightened up even the lamest Simpsons episode and at his best, or should I say his worst, he makes the show worth watching.
I mean, what other 104 year-old would go out of his way to skin puppies to skin for a coat or steal the sun from an entire town? How would you feel if you worked for a boss for over 20 years and he couldn’t remember your name? (I know that most of you are going to be spared this humiliation because you’ll probably be destined to work a job with your named embroidered on a shirt, but let me tell you… the pain cuts deep!)
I love you, C. Montgomery Burns (not in a Smithers way), but you are a bastard… a magnificent bastard, but a bastard none the less.
5. Eric Cartman
Goodness, what a little bastard he is.
It’s not that Cartman is a spoiled only child of a mother who smothers him with attention and food, it’s not that he’s a greedy manipulative pig of a human being, it’s not that he’s a smartass and a foul-mouthed little brat. It’s not that Cartman is vindictive or shallow, it’s not that he’s a liar, a cheat, a smug winner, or a backstabber.
It’s because he’s got a big fat ass and this, my bastard-watching friends, is what makes Eric Cartman the biggest bastard in South Park.
4. Lex Luthor
With the Lex of Superman the Animated Series and Justice League Unlimited, there aren’t any pansy-ass schemes to take over the world by using a team made up of a monkey and a retard who leaves clues so that the good guys can catch him, there isn’t a fat pig-squealing sidekick or idiotic nephew, and there ain’t no high school rich-boy angst. Lex is a no-nonsense businessman, a power hungry egomaniac, and a bastard through and through.
Lex rhymes with sex and Lex is a sexy bastard. Women want him and men want to be him... or with him too. I guess it just depends on the man.
The thing about Lex Luthor that makes him such a bastard is the fact that people love him. I mean, he could fire nuclear missile up Superman’s ass and have him crash into a orphanage for crippled war children and the public would still eat him up. I mean, for God’s sake, he went to prison, made a supervillan out of himself, and still almost won the presidency of the United States. I hear that Lex was originally scripted to win the election, but George W. Bush's lawyers threatened to sue for copyright infringement.
Here's to you, Lex, you magnificent chrome-domed bastard!
3. The Grinch
Do you honestly need a more thorough explanation for this bastard? I mean, this little fuzzy green hunk of crap actually tried to steal Christmas! I don’t mean that figuratively, either kids, I mean this asshat actually rode into town, impersonated Santa Claus, and committed multiple acts of home invasion and burglary on Christmas Eve – stealing gifts, decorations, and food – simply because he found one day out of the entire year annoying.
I mean, even your grade-A bastards will tolerate a lot more than that before they start acting overly bastard-like, but not the Grinch, oh no! He doesn’t even do the normal bastardly things like filing noise complaints or trying to get city ordinances or court orders going like those annoying Aethists do every Christmas, this bastard decided to go in and physically take Christmas away from the Whos and throw all of their holiday spirit into a canyon!
Now, I know what you’re saying, “Duh, but didn’t he reform at the end?” Well, yeah… but it wasn’t permanent as we thought it was as he returned to torment the poor Cat in the Hat for no good damn reason and then terrorized Whoville yet again on Halloween. Some reform that was!
The Grinch is a bastard and once a bastard, always a bastard. What’s next, Grinch? Are you going to steal Arbor Day? You can take my sapling when you pry it out of my cold dead hands, you cheese-eating dick monkey!
2. Stewie
Stewie is, perhaps, the most bastardly baby in the known universe. With his eyes set on global domination and with killing the woman who gave birth to him, one must shutter at the very real threat that this toddling asstard poses to the world.
The thing with Stewie is that this little bastard has cuteness on his side and that cuteness blinds many people to the level of bastardicity that he actually exudes. It’s sort of like the California election… everyone thinks it would be so cute to have a one-liner spewing movie star as governor, but the next thing we all know, the state is surrounded by a barbed-wire fence, Junior is playing in art houses, and everyone is wandering around in a daze saying, “Why!? Why!? Why didn’t I vote for Gary Coleman!”
With his lust for power, penchant for murder, and his bastardly ability to get away with it all, Stewie will forever go down in the annals of cartoon history as one of the most vicious bastards of all time!
1. Michael Eisner
Yeah, so he’s not a cartoon character. Fucker’s still a bastard, though.
Over the last ten years or so, I believe that Michael Eisner has single-handedly caused more damage to the animation world than any other man who has ever existed on the planet. There’s the obvious reason that he’s a bastard in that he was instrumental in killing classic 2-D animation at Disney when sub-par Disney films like Brother Bear and Home on the Range failed to make any money. Instead of blaming a shoddy product, Eisner felt that cell animation is just dead and moved accordingly to stamp it out.
With Disney stock falling and the theme parks getting fewer and fewer visitors thanks to his micromanaging, Eisner was called on to leave his position by Walt Disney’s nephew, but he continued to hang on like a tick sucking the life blood out of his company. Finally, the bastard left and there were few tears.
The failure of Valiant and the other shitty CGI movies goes to prove that, like so many other things, Eisner was wrong about cell-animation being dead and I only hope that the next person to fill his shoes undoes the damage he’s done to the industry and to Disney in general.
Yeah, he may not be a cartoon, but Michael Eisner is cartoondom’s biggest bastard none the less.
In my opinion the biggest is the stewie, and I love that cute little gay hitler. Salute to Seth Macfarlane.
Taken from again crapful site which is ...
Bitches of the childhood
20. Lola Bunny
Okay, I’ve got to admit… Lola Bunny isn’t really a bitch so to speak, I just really hate her rabbity good for nothing guts. She was a ploy, that’s all she was! A ploy to give Bugs a female counterpart, a love interest so that everyone who stop questioning his sexuality, and a strong female Looney Tunes character for the sake of political correctness for all of the oversensitive pussies out there. Not to mention all of the goody-goody marketing that came out of it.
What was the result? Bugs Bunny became a whooped man and Space Jam still sucked. Thank YOU Warner Brothers.
How do we know Lola’s a strong female character? She’s good at basketball! Wow, that’s awesome, sweetheart, make me a steak and we’ll see how useful you really are.
It’s not bad enough that Lola stunk up the already putrid Space Jam with her estrogen and feminine hygiene products, now her character has been hauled out of the bad idea dumpster and put on the mother of all shitty Looney Tunes spin-offs, Baby Looney Tunes. I even think that Lola is going to appear on the uber-crappy Loonatics.
So, yeah… Lola isn’t really a bitch, but my mama always told me never to use the word “cunt” when speaking about a lady.
19. Lisa Simpson
Before you jump in and say, “Hey (durrrr) Lisa’s not a bitch!” I say, shut up she sure is!
Lisa’s got a big superiority complex in that she thinks she’s just that much better than everyone else. Do you honestly think that Lisa believes herself an equal to Bart or Homer or Marge? Oh no, Lisa is a pillar of morality and higher thinking in her own mind and her family and friends are but lower organisms.
And a complainer… Jesus Christ, is there anything this bitch hasn’t complained or protested about? She doesn’t eat meat, she thinks fur is murder, she doesn’t think that there’s enough art… For chimney sake, little girl, put a sock in your babbler hole and try and make friends your own age! Perhaps there’s a reason you don’t have your own version of Millhouse, you over opinionated whiney bitch!
18. Olive Oyl
I believe that the words that I heard used to describe her was “an ugly thin manipulative whore” and that pretty much sums it up as far as I’m concerned.
Now, Olive Oyl isn’t a bitch all the time and, granted, she does her fair share to resist the rapist advances of Bluto, but have you ever noticed how often that Olive is the instigator of fights between Popeye and Bluto and it’s all because of that damn bitch’s flirting when Bluto walks up to her and mumbles, “Hey, how you doing?” and she blushes or some such shit and says, “Tee hee hee hee hee.” I mean, Bluto is a bastard enough by himself, but throw in this amount of bastarditude and bitchery and mix them together and poor Popeye didn't stand a chance!
It’s slight, but its there. If you can take the boredom, watch some of the Popeye cartoons and keep a close eye on the number of times this skank has gotten her boyfriend beat up. It’s shocking to see just how manipulative she really is!
And I didn't even touch on how stuck up she is!
17. The Baroness
Looking back at my primarily faded memories of GI Joe, I believe that the Baroness was the only lady serving in the upper echelon of C.O.B.R.A.. So, how did this unimpressive female make her way to the top of a complete shower of bastards like Destro and Cobra Commander? How do you think? She was porking them!
She was a sexy bitch, that’s for sure. Sultry, seductive, and those glasses were a hell of a turn on. The fact that she looked at people as if she was concocting new and horrible ways of torturing them was sexy as well.
But let’s face it, sexy or no, the Baroness was a bitch who had no loyalty to her superiors. Ever notice how when Serpentor took over C.O.B.R.A., Baroness was one of the first ones to tell him what an incompetent fool Cobra Commander was?
Don’t have this woman watch your back, men, she just may put a knife in it!
16. Mammy Two-Shoes
I’m not talking about the Mammy Two-Shoes we see today, this pale politically correct and re-dubbed imposter that currently appears in the Tom and Jerry Cartoons, I mean the big, black, beautiful, and badass mama that would kick Tom’s ass into next week for something that that little bastard mouse Jerry would do.
You all know that Jerry made the bastard list, say hello to his comrade in arms.
Mammy Two-Shoes (which, I don’t even think is her name anymore) had a shrieking voice like Eddie Murphy in drag and was mean as anything you would come across in the cartoon world and was particularly more menacing because you never saw her face (think of Nana from Muppet Babies if she would periodically kick one of the children).
Alas, her bitchery level has gone down thanks to Ted Turner’s need to slice and dice his cartoons to make them inoffensive. Perhaps he should have been on the bastard’s list too, no?.
15. Loretta
I really didn’t realize what a cold-hearted bitch that Loretta really was until she left poor adorable Cleveland on Family Guy. I mean, Cleveland was such a nice guy! How the hell did he end up with this flaming trollop is beyond me.
The thing that really pisses me off about Loretta is that she made her entire affair with Quagmire seem like it was Cleveland’s fault in the first place. Sorry, honey, unless Cleveland pushed you and you landed on Quagmire’s dick, you’re just a bitch. Not only a bitch… you’re a ho too, girl.
14. Alexandria Cabot
First of all, Alexandria was rich and stuck up which automatically makes you a bitch as far as I’m concerned. This half-witted evil version of Paris Hilton would spend most of her wasted day following Josie and the Pussycats, berating them, and sometimes even sabotaging them.
And why was this? Did she want control of the universe? Did she want to take over the band? Did Josie kill her father? Oh no, Alexandria just wanted to date Alan M. and was afraid that he was sweet on Josie.
Jesus Christ, what a bitch! Willing to wreck her friends lives and livelihoods for a man? It’s bad enough that Alexandria looks like a skunk is fucking her head, but what’s with the high school attitude in in the professional music industry. I mean, Paris and Nichole hate each other now, but they still work together!
Put on the big girl panties, Alexandria, and deal with your issues!
13. Holly Would
Forget for a moment that Cool World is one of the most vile and visually unappealing movies ever put to screen, Holly Would wanted to be human… and she was willing to destroy the world to do it!
Someone should really sit this stupid bitch down and explain to her with sock puppets that she’s a citizen of the world too and that if it’s destroyed, she’s not going to be human for very long.
Okay, now forget for a minute this dumb bitch’s scheme. Holly was a user, abuser, and manipulator and you can’t get to be a bigger bitch than that. Unless, of course, you star in a horrible movie…
Hey, she did!
Bitch!
12. Yzma
I love this woman. Love her, love her, love her. In my opinion, Yzma is the greatest villain that the House of Mouse has ever come up with and The Emperor’s New Groove is the last great cartoon they ever did.
Still, is Yzma a bitch or what?
Aside from being scary beyond all reason, Yzma’s drive is fueled by a plethora of bitchy reasons… vanity, a lust for power, and a sexual drive that I would rather not think about. I mean, why else keep Kronk around?
Yeeech!.
11. Mom
Well, I know that people are going to be – pardon the pun – bitching that Mom isn’t higher on the list, but her includement on the list in the first place is only a testament to the power this bitch has in the year 3000.
The owner of Mom’s Friendly Robot Factory, the reason why this woman is such a bitch isn’t because of her greed, her attitude, his wanton destruction of the environment or her nearly successful attempt to take over the world… Mom is a bitch because she’s put on a facade of a friendly, elderly, and kind-hearted old woman that the public eats up. Dubya must have been watching this show and getting ideas.
She mean, she’s maniacal, and no matter what there’s no way that Fry and his friends could ever prove it. Mom is a bitch in one of its purest forms.
10. Cruella DeVil
Just so we’re perfectly clear here, there’s only two ways that this woman could possibly have gotten the name “Cruella.” First, it could be her natural name which makes you wonder just how horrible of a baby she could have been. I mean, she already had the name “DeVil” and her parents went and saddled her with a name like “Cruella?” How evil was this baby anyway? Did she pop out, use her cord as a bungee, and bite the doctor in the balls?
The second way she could have gotten her name is if she went and changed it herself. I can see it now… her parents named her something cute and ironic like Angel DeVil and, when she came of age, she took a good look at her name and said, “Fuck that! I’m Cruella!” She’s a bitch and she’s proud of it.
Forgetting for a moment the fact that this woman is already a “cruel devil” in your mind when you first hear her name, for God’s sake… this is a woman who was going to slaughter and skin over a hundred Dalmatian puppies so that she could look fashionable! I bet you money that bitch has tsunami orphans working for 3 cents a day somewhere in Thailand!
She’s a bitch, dahling!
9. Evil Lyn
Evil Lyn is a lot like The Baroness from GI Joe, only a lot more scary. There is a certain allure to her, but for some reason every fantasy I have about her ends with her pulling out my intestines and eating them.
So yeah, considerably less sexy than The Baroness with that manish voice and butch demeanor… at least now we understand the strange tension between her and Teela.
But what makes this raging bull-dyke a bitch? Well, for one thing she’s almost the personification of evil in Eternia, cares nothing for her fellow man, and would fuck over Skeletor the first chance she got to take over his entire empire. You know, she’s such a bitch that if she did take over Snake Mountain, I have a feeling that He-Man and the Masters of the Universe would be pretty much screwed.
The remake made her into an even bigger bitch. I mean, for God's sake... this woman's name is Evil Lyn! There's no mamby pamby trotting around with a subtle name like "Cruella DeVil", when you hear the name Evil, you're not expecting this broad to bake you cookies and give you a foot massage like a normal woman should.
Evil Lyn, I find you guilty of bitchcraft!.
8. Toot
The latest addition to our list, Toot is a hoot, but this witch is a bitch, that’s for sure.
Every reality show has a bitch and filling that role on Drawn Together is this veteran of the old black and white toons and Betty Boop knock off.
Toot’s one perverse pleasure is to turn everyone’s life upside down and to stuff her fat gullet with as much food as possible. In the first episode, she tells everyone at home that she’s going to be the series’ bitch and that pretty much set the bar for her. I mean, to get a little high, she put poor little Ling-Ling through hell just so she could lick his back for a buzz.
I dub thee, bitch!
7. Luna
I’m not sure how many of you guys will remember this bitch, but near the end of Thundercat’s run, Luna and her fellow Lunattacks were brought in to replace the mutants as a more deadly enemy to Lion-O and his kin and essentially, all the Thundercat fans hated her and her whole pathetic lot.
Aside from the usual reasons for being a bitch – evil, mean, sadistic. bossy, and not being in the kitchen – there was one glaring reason why Luna is one of the biggest bitcholies we’ve seen in two-dimensional hand drawn glory.
What the shit is this? Yeah, she’s short… but she’s got two perfectly good legs on her and yet she feels like she has to ride on the back of a mentally retarded guy with a pituitary disorder? I don’t have the words. Seriously, I don’t have them…
You don't see Vern Troyer riding Big Show like a horse. The bitch has no excuse.
6. Angelica
It doesn’t take much to recognize the amount of bitchery that this character has. Sweet and innocent to the grown-ups, but a tormentor and hag to other babies, Angelica is the ultimate two-faced harpy and the kind of kid you just want to strangle for a few hours.
Let's be frank here, kids, we all knew an Angelica when we were little and we all hated her. If you didn't know an Angelica when you were little... it was you.
This bitch definitely put the rat in Rugrats.
5. Miss Piggy
I’m thankful that Miss Piggy was turned into a cartoon for Muppet Babies because, let’s face it, no list of famous bitches would be complete without her.
Piggy is sort of like Angelica in that she’s two faced, but Miss Piggy is also a violent little sow repeatedly smacking the crap out of Gonzo and all but raping Kermit. Her short temper and the way she looses her cool makes her a dangerous individual and I'm surprised that Nana allows her to stay in the nursery with the other babies alone!
Miss Piggy is definitely the destabilizing force in Muppet Babies and, if not for that bacony bitch, I have a feeling that all of the little tykes would live in peace and harmony.
4. Maleficent
Now shall you deal with ME, o Prince - and all the powers of HELL!
Out of all of the bitches to leave the House of Mouse, Maleficent remains the coldest and the scariest. You see, this is a bitch who not only practices bitchcraft, but has honed the fine art of bitchery to a new degree.
Think about it. When she crashed the royal party at the beginning of Sleeping Beauty, she could have just killed the baby and been done with it, going home to watch Desperate Housewives or whatever single bitches watch. Instead, Maleficent used her magnificent bitch brain which was, no doubt, boiling over with Bitcha-Caritine – the chemical that makes women into bitches – and put a curse on the baby to let her live for eighteen years and then kill her… letting everyone get very used to having her around, getting attached to her and all and then BAM! Death by spinning wheel, baby.
You’ve just got to appreciate the sheer amount of callous bitchiness in that plan.
3. Shelia Brovloski
EVERYONE SING!
Welllllllllllllllllllllllllll, Kyle's mom is a bitch, she's a big fat bitch,
She's the biggest bitchin the whole wide world
She's a mean old bitchif there ever was a bitch,
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls
On Monday she's a bitch, on Tuesday she's a bitch
On Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch
Then on Sunday, just to be different,
She's a Super-King-Kamehameha Beeyatch
Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom,
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,
bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,
She's a stupid bitch!
Kyle's mom's a bitch, and she's just a dirty bitch!
Kyle's mom...is a...biiiitch! Tchah!
2. Demona
Demona is a thousand years old and she spent every day of that thousand years hating humans and trying to think of new and interesting ways of killing them. Over the years, that hatred poisoned her like bad sushi until all those malevolent feelings boiled and bubbled inside of her until she farted.
Then, a few years later, she became an ultra-mega winged bitch of the skies who would just as soon rip off your head and shit down your neck stump than look at you.
What makes Demona a true bitch is her unwillingness to take responsibility for her own actions. You see, the chain of events that started her downfall into bitchiness began when she betrayed the Gargoyles to the humans (causing their destruction) and, like a true bitch, she blames everyone else for her own failures like Michael Eisner, Oliver Stone, and Uwe Boll.
I mean, true, it’s rare that a female will take responsibility for anything, but Demona’s been avoiding it for centuries so she’s got to be one of the biggest bitches on Earth…
…Well, perhaps excluding our number one bitch.
1. Lucy Van Pelt
Picture this, you have a football and you're playing with a little kid who looks like he's a cancer victim. Now, if you were a mammal like the rest of us, you would let this pathetic loser kick the ball and feel some kind of accomplishment in his poor excuse of a life, but if you're Lucy it's a different story.
Lucy is the biggest bitch in cartoon and comics history. She's mean to everyone she meets with the exception of Shroeder who she hangs around with and flirts with just to piss him off. She's constantly threatening people and bossing them around, and her fear of germs keeps her from even enjoying the presence of a dog who freakin' dances for his supper. Did I mention that she should just let Charlie Brown kick the goddamn ball just once?
Even with all of her problems... the bossiness, the violence, the germophoblia, Lucy still has the gall to think that she, out of all of the peanuts, has her act together the most so that she can offer her services to the other children as a shrink and then... then, she still wants to take ten cents from them as a fee for her crappy advice.
Lucy Van Pelt can eat a dick, drink a bucket of AIDs, and die. She is cartoondom's biggest bitch.
This article is taken from here, and that place has really many crap inside
Missed Claymotions?
The Bronson Maneuver from Mike McCain on Vimeo.
It is really short and delightful, and realistic I say not art-vise but story-vise
Things you don't learn in french course
1. Merde!(MARE-deh)
This translates quite literally as “shit.” I grew up hearing this word mumbled (or sometimes shouted) when my mother accidentally would burn herself on the stove or have some sort of other expletive inducing outburst. You’ll definitely hear “merde” used in France in as wide of a context as “shit” in English.
2. Putain!/Pute!(Poo-TAHN)/(poote)
This word packs a serious punch, so use it with caution (and maybe not in mixed company). Putain literally translates as “whore,” but tends to be used more like the word “fuck” in English. Not only can it be used as an emotional reaction to something, like “Fuck!” in English, you can also direct it at someone in particular, “ca pute” (that whore). People joke that the word “fuck” can be used as every part of speech in English, and in French, putain functions much the same way.
3. Chiant/Ca me fait chier(CHI-ant)/(sa meh fey CHIay)
This word is most commonly used in the context of “ce me fait chier,” which translates as a more vulgar version of “that pisses me off.” This became one of my favorite expressions when I was living in Paris (which tells you something about my personality…) and my great Aunt who I lived with would cringe when I would accidentally let this slip out at home.
4. Salope! (SAL-up)
You’ll most likely be directing this one at someone in particular, rather than as an angry expletive shouted in response to something. It translates as “bitch,” and is used pretty much exactly the same way the word is used in English. Also, like in English, you can incorporate this word into a a phrase like “fils de salope” (son of a bitch).
*salop (pronounced sal-o) is the masculine version
5. Foutre/ Je m’en fou (FOO-truh)/(Juh MONH foo)
Again, although you may hear this dropped around a lot, use it with caution as “foutre” is the verb for “to fuck.” You’ll most often hear this in the phrase “je m’en fou,” which essentially means “I don’t give a fuck.” This also became one of my favorite phrases while I was living in Pairs and it was another one that would make my grande tante (great aunt) cringe when it slipped out at home.
6. Con/conasse/connard (cohn)/(COHN-asse)/(COHN-nard)
This is often used as “ass” in French , though it is also sometimes translated as a milder “idiot.” There is a famous movie in French titled “Le Diner des Cons,” which is about a group of Parisian businessmen who each bring a “con,” or an idiot, to dinner and then the favorite “con” is chosen at the end (i.e. the guy who makes the biggest fool of himself). The movie title has been translated a variety of different ways (like “The Diner of Idiots” and “The Dinner Game”) and exemplifies why direct translation of idiomatic phrases, slang and cuss words can be difficult. Also, while this is a milder curse than “putain,” it is also certainly not polite, so use with caution.
7. Nique ta mere! (neek tah mare)
Watch out for this curse, as it literally translates as “fuck your mother.” This phrase is not only extremely vulgar, but also very offensive and should be reserved for situations when only the most extreme curse is needed.
8. Ta Gueule! (THAI-gull)
This is just about the rudest way possible of telling someone to shut up. While it does not really have an exact equivalent or translation in English, it’s kind of like saying “shut the fuck up,” or “shut your trap.” You’ll definitely hear this in banter among friends, but it can also be used in a really insulting way.
9. Casse-toi! (KASS-twah)
This French curse became the center of a French controversy when President Sarkozy was caught saying this a French citizen who had refused to shake his hand at an agricultural fair in France. This insult is kind of like a very rude way of saying “bug off,” or maybe even “fuck off.” Combined with another expletive, (like “con”) it can actually pack quite a powerful punch.
10.. C’est des conneries! (Say-day-KOHN-ree)
Clearly this curse is related to #6 on this list, and can be translated best as “this is bullshit.” I particularly enjoy this phrase and found it very useful in my daily life. I also like to throw in extra words for emphasis like “C’est vraiment des conneries!” (That is REALLY bullshit).
*If you want to know some of our Paris resident’s essential French swear words
So, those are my favorite French swear words and cusses. You may have your own colorful expletives. What’s your favorite way to swear in French?
All of them is stolen from Julie
But,
Je m’en fou
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)